1.3.15

ladies and gents, thank you for your music.



that moment when you physically felt sick of the same stuff you keep on replaying on Spotify (or depressing break-up music brought to you by the one and only Taylor Swift), and you found a new tune and your life is RENEWED.

28.2.15

The month of February.

I found this writing I did 3 years ago when I was going through a similar situation as I am now. I kept it private for a while, but I think I should share it for a point of reference...
So well what do I do now?
Move on. That’s what I am gonna do. I am just gonna grow a new heart?
No.
That’s not what I am gonna do.I won’t try to erase everything, or stuff them down to the bottom of my brain.
I guess the more I try to forget it, the more I know that something is bugging me from the inside out of my heart.
I will live with those memories. I will take the good parts of it. Why do we have to try to forget them now when we know all the memories will be forgotten by themselves as time passes?
I will think of you whenever something reminds me of you. I will wake up every morning thinking of you, and before I go to bed thinking of you, thinking that you were there, and facing that you are not there, or here,  anymore.I will miss you. I will let my heart to miss you. Because I can’t help it. I do miss you. I can’t deny it.
I will cry when I want. Cry when I regret pushing you away. Cry so I can fall asleep sometimes. Cry when I read back at your messages, hearing your voice again, cry when a song brings back all that we had.
I will wait. Wait for a day, someday, in somewhere in the future. I will wait for you to appear in my life again.
i will cut my hair. I won’t pretend to show the world that I am okay, I am over it, I am strong. I won’t do any of the things they do to get over someone.I will live the way my heart wants me to.
And then I think… one day, I will get tired of it. Of thinking of you, missing you, crying, waiting. All of those. I will get so bored of doing those.
eventually. I think. It will go away. Naturally. I won’t do anything to push it.
I will enjoy the time I still have the memories of you, as long as it lasts.
It's strange to see how I really had a lot of things to say 3 years ago, and did a decent job of saying it. At this moment where I am right now, I honestly don't have much to say, because 1) I don't want to say it, 2) I don't know how to say it, 3) it honestly is better not to say. Compared to 3 years ago, there are things I choose to do the same way, there are things I choose to do differently now. At the end, it's all about how you gather yourself to make everything seem a little bit better, perspective-wise.

The month of February is coming to a close thankfully. I guess I am in a place in my life trying to pick up the pieces and take a different turn, a harder route. Things seem kind of blurry for now, and for this past week every morning I had to remind myself to get out of bed and do something, anything to make this day go by faster. The short term goal that I have for my life right now is to not be defined by the hard things that I am going through. In the next couple months or so, knowing the season will be challenging, I hope I see myself walking through it, and not being crushed down by it.

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27.2.15

a change.



Finally went ahead and chopped off all my hair this past week. I guess there is no better time for change - by that I mean time to focus on myself, be real with my feelings, be okay with not being happy and be okay with finding other ways of being happy.

I know love as a fading thing Just as fickle as a feather in a stream See, honey, I saw love, You see it came to me It puts its face up to my face so I could see Yeah then I saw love disfigure me Into something I am not recognizing.

24.2.15

Brooklyn Winter Flea.

My mom was here the whole last weekend so I decided to brave the freezing cold to take her to Brooklyn Winter Flea. I have been wanting to check it out forever but I just never got the time to, and who is better to enjoy it with but your momma. We took the time to look through a garage treasure of stuffs and I found myself some pretty necklaces, a pocket knife and a spare wallet. If you live in the Brooklyn area, you must check this out. They open the winter flea during the weekend, and the location is in Crown Heights. There is also a beer and food hall for you and your buddies to chill. Who knows? Maybe you will run into me there the next couple of weeks?


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30.1.15

staple


Yes I know I put up a lot of Ben Howard onto my blog, but it is like a staple in your pantry and you always find yourself coming back to it.
So in the celebration of Ben coming to New York for a show tonight and unfortunately I can't afford to go see him, here is him making a silly song sound amazing.

27.1.15

Upon back to the East Coast.

Back to the East Coast has been a mix of blurry emotions. Happiness of reunion with friends that are so dear to me, deep and whole hearted conversation with people I trust, excitement of meeting new faces. But at the same time, the background of it all is the stillness and unchangeable reality of life passing in Brooklyn, when I woke up wondering what happened, what is happening, and what is gonna happen, and then realizing that whatever happens, the end will be just me, myself and I.

Sometimes things should be written down so I could never forget, so I guess this should be written down:
 How one night I could feel so full and right, walking along side someone in the cold night of downtown Manhattan, knowing that this was exactly what I wanted and why I am here. How just a couple nights after I could feel my tears falling and hiding, walking alongside with the exact same someone, wondering if this was what I wanted and why I am here.

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I am not sure what life will bring in the next couple days, weeks or months, but I have to fight through and hope for the best for whatever is coming.